...and maybe in this life, we'll learn.

I’ve made a Wordpress blog. I will share my writing on it, possibly draft my book, and share...

Fri, 10 May 2013 14:28:51 -0400

I’ve made a Wordpress blog. I will share my writing on it, possibly draft my book, and share stories from my life and my life’s passions in a more articulate way as I wait for someone to fall in love with my writing and offer me a book deal.

c-r-a-v-e-youu: m-oondreams: fawun: Perks of Being a...

Fri, 10 May 2013 14:06:57 -0400

c-r-a-v-e-youu:

m-oondreams:

fawun:

Perks of Being a Wallflower

Queued, following back all blog types

Favourite quote

My Dilemma - thoughts?

Fri, 10 May 2013 11:24:00 -0400

The fight this whole week with T has been on the basis that there were things he wanted to do with his life before settling down before he met me. He thought once we started dating, they would become irrelevant, but he says they continue to weigh on him because he feels they are things he needs to do in order to become the kind of man that deserves to be my husband and the father of my children.

He wants to go on a wayfaring journey of self-discovery - a less glamorized ‘Eat Pray Love’ kind of thing. I have no problem with that. The issue is, he says he will not come back until he knows he’s found himself, and he cannot promise how long it will take, but likely a few years. What he does promise is that he will come back to me, marry me, and spend the rest of his life with me.

He does not truly want to break up during this time, but he was trying to get me to break up with him because he knows it is not fair to ask me to wait for him. I expressed that if we end things, there will be no coming back. I will erase myself from his life, and him from mine, removing all evidence that we ever existed in each others’ lives - that is my rule, when any relationship ends. He does not want that, and so we will commit to staying together.

I want to make this work, as he doesn’t plan to do this for a few years. He doesn’t have the money to do it, nor does he have a real plan, just a strong desire to do it. My hope is that by the time he is able to do these things, he will no longer want to. My belief is that he will find himself before that time comes.

He is only 23 right now. I still want most of the same things I did at 23, just at different times of my life now. But he is a guy, and I rationalize with that 2-year delay in maturity things will change. He is finishing school, and applied for a business admin internship yesterday, which he hopes will turn into a job afterward. He is starting to get involved in various committees at his college, and wants to work in business to build his resume, and gain expertise to start his own business later. I fully believe that in doing these things, he will build his self-worth, he will find himself, and he will mature in ways that make this wayfaring journey less appealing, and unnecessary.

But there is the chance that he does still go, because he strongly believes in this plan. There is the chance that this takes only a year or two or three - I can live with that; we’ve agreed that when the time comes we’ll visit each other every birthday and Christmas, Skype at least once a week, and stay faithful to each other. There is also the possibility that when he leaves, he realizes his mistake very quickly, and jumps on a plane home in as little as a week or two, a month or two - that’s even better. But there is the possibility that this goes on for 5, 10, 20, 30 years. I will leave if it goes on beyond 3 years. I have not told him this, I will when and if the time comes. I have told him, though, that when I can no longer wait, I will leave and he will only ever see me again once, for 30 minutes over coffee so that he can have closure. Beyond that I will treat it as I have any other breakup.

The thing is, he still believes in his plan, and so despite our agreement on the terms, he still feels he is doing me a great disservice by allowing me to wait. Problem is, together or not, I will still probably wait, I will still hurt the same, I will still miss him the same, and vice versa. And despite our agreement, I’m just not sure. I know this is a choice I can only make for myself. I know that he is the one I’m meant to be with, so I will never take on another partner if he doesn’t come back, or if we break up before he goes. So I know I will hold on regardless of how it feels.

But I just don’t know if I should just let him go right now. Or if I should stay and hope that either he grows enough to choose not to go, or that when he does we will have built a strong enough relationship that he won’t be gone that long, and we will make it work in the interim. He is my last shot at a husband and family because I promised myself long before I met him that my next relationship would be my final attempt - my depression does not make it an option for me; the way I fall apart after losing love so severely and negatively impacts every aspect of my life because without medication I cannot cope, and I refuse to take the zombifying meds, and I have far too much to lose at this stage in life to make risking another breakup worth it. Regardless - because I know many people will say that’s dramatic bullshit, and that every girl says that - I don’t believe quitting right away is the right choice. I fully believe that if two people love each other and want to be together, there is no reason not to try until you’ve used up all your chances and resources.

Am I selling myself short by wanting to try? Am I making myself into a fool? I’d just like some support, and thoughts and opinions on the situation, though I know it’s not something I truly have to worry about for a few years.

He claims it wasn’t a breakup, but trying to convince me to leave him because he’s not...

Thu, 09 May 2013 13:15:18 -0400

He claims it wasn’t a breakup, but trying to convince me to leave him because he’s not good enough. I’m so confused.

slowmotiondreams: dat face He definitely gets better with age.

Wed, 08 May 2013 02:31:44 -0400

slowmotiondreams:

dat face

He definitely gets better with age.

peytonsawyerrr replied to your post: Since nobody gave a flying fuck yesterday or… woahhhh i...

Tue, 07 May 2013 10:39:08 -0400

peytonsawyerrr replied to your post: Since nobody gave a flying fuck yesterday or…

woahhhh i didnt see posts from yesterday! i’m assuming T is your boyfriend?! i’m sooo sorry :(

After the fight, he says he’s let me down enough times to prove he’s not ready to love me the way I want him to. He says he knows I’m the person he wants to end up with, but he needs to decide if expecting me to be with him while he grows and becomes the kind of person who deserves to be with me is fair, or if he needs to let me go and grow on his own and hope things work out in the end.

Since nobody gave a flying fuck yesterday or anyday when I pour my heart out into a post asking for...

Tue, 07 May 2013 08:11:31 -0400

Since nobody gave a flying fuck yesterday or anyday when I pour my heart out into a post asking for advice, I’m sure nobody give a fuck that T left me.

dontweightforchange: OKAY EVERYONE! I’VE GOT MY IDEAS FOR THE...

Mon, 06 May 2013 21:43:23 -0400

dontweightforchange:

OKAY EVERYONE! I’VE GOT MY IDEAS FOR THE GIVEAWAY!

HERE’S WHAT YOU GET!

✔ The Get Fit Diary

✔ Jump rope

✔ Personalized water bottle

✔ 3 quest bars of your choice.

✔ Your choice of your favorite peanut butter!

may add more random things.

Rules:

✖ You do not have to be a weightloss/fitness blog but atleast show interest.

✖ Must be following me -> dontweightforchange

✖ Reblog as many times as you’d like. The more you reblog the better your chances of winning!

✖ HAVE YOUR ASK BOX OPEN!

✖ You have 24 hours of me telling you that you’ve won to respond or someone else will be chosen! Please give me your quest bar / peanutbutter choices and I’ll also ask you about what you’d like on your waterbotter all answers must be sent within 48 hours .

✖ Likes DO NOT count.

THIS GIVEAWAY ENDS MAY 29TH 2013 AT 11PM PACIFIC STANDARD TIME

If you have any questions about this giveaway, or the items included, feel free to ask.

Oh yeah! Follow me on instagram! @125daysofchange

Good Luck (:

Photo

Mon, 06 May 2013 21:34:21 -0400

callitqueens: wishinguponatreadmill: iwillmakeyouskinny: fatt-...

Mon, 06 May 2013 21:32:50 -0400

callitqueens:

wishinguponatreadmill:

iwillmakeyouskinny:

fatt-cheerleaders-suck:

The first and second photo are Nina Dobrev featured in Seventeen.The third is Nina on on the beach, unphotoshopped.

media

Hm.. They photoshopped a fucking thigh gap on her. What the hell.

SERIOUSLY YALL CHILL PEOPLE GAIN AND LOSE WEIGHT

This wasn’t even photoshopped, she has legit gained weight. You can notice it when you watch old episodes.

ashley-nicole-574: Having ur good friend die
Mon, 06 May 2013 17:12:57 -0400

ashley-nicole-574:

Having ur good friend die

deanlovecastiel: fuckyeahrainbowhair: fallingfate: rapecult...

Mon, 06 May 2013 16:37:23 -0400

deanlovecastiel:

fuckyeahrainbowhair:

fallingfate:

rapeculturemakesmeangry:

This is from the slut walk. One of the arguments is that girls ask for rape because they wear slutty clothes, short skirts, tight, low-cut tops. This girl is an example of the fact that rape victims can look like anyone, you, me, this girl. Rapists. Dont. Discriminate.

I promised a long time ago that I’d reblog this whenever I saw it on my dash. No regrets, it breaks my heart every single time.

an incredibly important message, rape is rape. no one is ever asking for it. a woman has the right to dress how ever they want - it is society that identifies risque dressing as ‘asking for it’, and in my opinion, that way of thinking needs to be diminished.

jimmehlol: MUST DO

Mon, 06 May 2013 16:36:35 -0400

jimmehlol:

MUST DO

I need the next today and the next 5 days to just not exist. I want to disappear from here, and all...

Mon, 06 May 2013 16:33:51 -0400

I need the next today and the next 5 days to just not exist. I want to disappear from here, and all the people who claim to care but really don’t give a fuck.

What to do?

Mon, 06 May 2013 09:53:00 -0400

So T’s brother’s birthday party at the club was on Saturday. I couldn’t go because I was spending the night at my cousin’s place to prep for his daughter’s 1st birthday party the next day. T was sad, so I told him on Friday and Saturday that I would come over after the party on Sunday. On Sunday, I called him (he had been napping, so I dunno if you want to take that into account) and told him that I was exhausted so I was going to wait until traffic cleared up to head home, and I would call him when I got there to make sure he was up so I could come over.

Anyway, I leave about an hour later, and it takes 40 mins to get home from their house. As I’m pulling into the street in front of his house (remember, he lives 8 houses away from me, and I have to pass his house when I leave or am going back to my house). I see him in his friend’s car and they’re pulling out of his driveway. He sees me, I see him checking to make sure it’s me.

I pull into my driveway and say “yes, that was me”, already mad because like where the hell are you even going, and why didn’t you tell the person to stop or turn around when he saw me.

Here’s how the conversation thereafter went:

T: I saw that. I’m just chilling with J then I’m heading back soon.

Me: No worries, been shafted plenty of times this weekend, what’s once more.

T: Ouch. J just came back from Cuba, but I guess since you’re so used to being shafted I can stay a bit.

Me: Ouch yourself. Always turning it around. As if wherever the fuck anyone went means anything when you knew i was on my way coming straight to you.

T: You said you were going home and you’d call me cuz I was sleeping.

Me: Jee, I wonder why I was supposed to call you, T? Do whatever you want, you’re going to anyway. I’m tired of constantly waiting on you.

And I haven’t heard from him since. I fell asleep about 2 hours later at like 10:30. I don’t know whether he came by when I was asleep, although I doubt it, but he knows I leave for work in the morning before my family is awake, so if he did he should have texted me saying so so I would know this morning.

I’m concerned he’ll turn this around saying “I don’t know how to make you happy”, and also because I’m going to be away for 8 days as of Sunday - we really don’t need a big fight right now. I’m not going to talk to him first because he’s the one in the wrong, but with that attitude he had last night (he has NEVER spoken to me like that before), I don’t know that he’ll come around easily either. I feel like we won’t speak for a few days, and by then there will be so much tension, we won’t be able to fix it.

What to do?

Photo

Sun, 05 May 2013 21:08:38 -0400

hatersarealwayswrong: shwagerr: babeur4everisallineed: dhomme-...

Sun, 05 May 2013 20:59:45 -0400

hatersarealwayswrong:

shwagerr:

babeur4everisallineed:

dhomme-casp:

pink—monroe:

i want an asian baby, its official

Her eyes 😱😘😍😱💖💖

I follow back

this may be the cutest thing I have ever seen

Crop-topping it because my hard work is paying off and I love...

Sat, 04 May 2013 14:31:47 -0400

Crop-topping it because my hard work is paying off and I love how my tummy looks. The end.

Photo

Sat, 04 May 2013 03:27:45 -0400

dat assssssssssssss

Sat, 04 May 2013 02:49:08 -0400

dat assssssssssssss

...and maybe in this life, we'll learn.

I’ve made a Wordpress blog. I will share my writing on it, possibly draft my book, and share...

c-r-a-v-e-youu: m-oondreams: fawun: Perks of Being a...

My Dilemma - thoughts?

He claims it wasn’t a breakup, but trying to convince me to leave him because he’s not...

slowmotiondreams: dat face He definitely gets better with age.

peytonsawyerrr replied to your post: Since nobody gave a flying fuck yesterday or… woahhhh i...

Since nobody gave a flying fuck yesterday or anyday when I pour my heart out into a post asking for...

dontweightforchange: OKAY EVERYONE! I’VE GOT MY IDEAS FOR THE...

Photo

callitqueens: wishinguponatreadmill: iwillmakeyouskinny: fatt-...

ashley-nicole-574: Having ur good friend die Mon, 06 May 2013 17:12:57 -0400 ashley-nicole-574: Having ur good friend die

deanlovecastiel: fuckyeahrainbowhair: fallingfate: rapecult...

jimmehlol: MUST DO

I need the next today and the next 5 days to just not exist. I want to disappear from here, and all...

What to do?

Photo

hatersarealwayswrong: shwagerr: babeur4everisallineed: dhomme-...

Crop-topping it because my hard work is paying off and I love...

Photo

dat assssssssssssss

ashley-nicole-574: Having ur good friend die
Mon, 06 May 2013 17:12:57 -0400

ashley-nicole-574:

Having ur good friend die